Jokes

Balloonist

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."

The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do" replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."

What do you call an eternity?
Four Blondes at a four way stop.

Why do Blondes have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for 4 hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland left" so they turned around and went home.

What do smart Blondes and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.

What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
Oh look, daddy ... doughnut seeds.

Why did the Blonde stare at a can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.

Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

Why can't Blondes dial 911?
They can't find the eleven on the phone!

What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!

How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer?
There is whiteout all over the monitor.

Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.

A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches each part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!"
The doctor asks, "Were you ever a Blonde?"
"Yes, I was." she replies. "Why do you ask?"
The doctor answers, "because your finger is broken!"

A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette said, "Oh, look at the dead bird."
The Blonde looked skyward and said "Where, where?"

A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21".
A Blonde walks up, sees her and decides to join her. She also starts jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21". Suddenly, the brunette hears a train whistle, and she jumps off the tracks just as the Blonde is splattered all over the place.The brunette goes back to jumping from rail to rail, counting, "22" "22" "22".

How do you drown a Blonde?
Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool

Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Why don't Blondes like making KOOL-AID?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists?
They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

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Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?


A: No idea.(No-eye deer)

Q: What is orange and sounds like parrot?


A: A carrot

Q: What do you call a hippie's wife?


A: Mississippi.

Q: Why is the letter "T" like an island ?


A: Because it is in the middle of waTer.

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